My journey…

I can clearly remember May 26th 2019, when I had a profound realization.  ⁣⁣

I am performing on the main stage in Olympic Park on the final day of the Seoul Jazz Festival.  In front of me is a sea of around 20,000 people, some sitting on picnic blankets in the fringes and some on their feet right in front of the stage, singing and dancing to the songs I’m playing with Pink Martini.  I’m standing in the same spot where I saw John Scofield, a hero of mine, performing the night before.  Following our set, Wynton Marsalis and his quintet will take the same stage.⁣⁣

In this moment, I realize—HOLY COW—I’m an entire world away from where I started my musical journey, literally and figuratively.  I’m living my life the way I have always wanted to.  I’m traveling, connecting with thousands of people, having fun, and making money doing it.  All while playing with some of the best musicians in the world, on some of the greatest stages in the world.⁣

I think about my journey to that moment, and beyond, recalling all of the challenges and opportunities that preceded it.⁣

⁣The many times when, as a music student in college, feeling like I didn’t have it in me to perform with the level of mastery that I saw in my fellow students and in my musical heroes.  I recall during performances, working my nerves up to the point that, when the solo section arrived, I would get in a good 4 or 5 bars before completely falling apart, and even then I was never satisfied with what I did play.  Being told that I needed to practice more and not knowing where to start.  Being good enough to be praised by my peers and professors but not good enough to be considered for the musical opportunities I wanted.  I recall never once having had a performance that lived up to my own expectation.⁣

It was in college that my good friend and fellow student told me about a book he was reading about mindfulness and meditation in music practice.  The book was called Effortless Mastery, by jazz pianist Kenny Werner, and when my friend told me about what he was learning, I thought, “oh my god, this book was written just for me.”  I was at a point where I had to do something about my situation, if there was any hope for me to be competitive in the field.  I ordered a copy of the book, and it sparked me on a journey of self-awareness and -acceptance in music.⁣

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Some things became clear to me along the way:⁣⁣

⚡️ My approach to music thus far had been ego-based, or to put it another way: I was constantly in fear of not being well-thought-of when I played music.⁣

⚡️ I was desperately attached to my need to play well, and that obsession undermined my own confidence and technical ability when I played.⁣

⚡️ I was obsessed with my solos being “right”.  My fundamental belief was that there was a “right” way to improvise.  I wouldn’t have been able to explain to you what the “wrong” way was, and oddly, I was so sure that whatever I was doing was the “wrong” way.

⚡️ When emotion or tension arose in my body, I was resisting it, which was compounding the impact of these sensations on my playing ability.⁣

⚡️ I wasn’t able to practice for more than an hour at a time because I didn’t have any intention for my practice sessions.⁣

⚡️ I was in a constant mode of self-judgement and assessment when I performed, which was negatively impacting my self-esteem.⁣

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Having identified these issues, I created a plan of action for myself:⁣

⁣👉🏼 Get clear for myself that I am making music for my own purpose: the expression of my own human experience.⁣

👉🏼 Acknowledging the attachments I had that blocked my freedom of expression, such as fear of playing badly, fear of not being well thought of, and fear of not progressing as a musician.⁣

👉🏼 Accepting that there was no “right” or “wrong” way to be a musician.⁣

👉🏼 Observing what I felt physically and emotionally when I made music.⁣

👉🏼 Thoroughly planning my practice regimen, including what I would practice, how long I would practice each thing, and when I was finished practicing.⁣

👉🏼 Waking up early to meditate and practice for 4 hours daily, 6 days per week.⁣

👉🏼 Observing my performance objectively, and without judgement.⁣

👉🏼 Allowing myself to BE the musician who gets the opportunities that I want to have.⁣

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I spent the last two years in college adhering to my strict meditation/practice regimen.  Despite wondering many times whether or not the work was making a difference, I persevered, standing in my commitment to being fluent, free, and self-expressed on the guitar.  I made my mind, my way of being, and my relationship with my instrument priorities in my life.⁣

Around the sixth month of my committed practice, I had a surreal out-of-body experience where I felt that somebody else was playing the instrument, and I was observing myself play.  It was a little spooky, but I was overcome with joy for what I was hearing.  My playing sounded musical, inspired, exciting, and worthy!  I knew immediately that this is the way I ALWAYS wanted to play music.  Staying committed to my vision, trusting the process, and detaching myself from short-term expectation created an unprecedented breakthrough in my ability to express myself on my instrument.⁣

For most of my journey, I was doing this alone.  I didn’t have support, and I often found it challenging to hold myself accountable to my commitment.  Considering the magnitude of the shift I was making in my life, it was hard to navigate my journey solo.  It was hard to stick to the work!  If I could have recognized what I was resisting around my seeking support, I think I would have progressed with ease and velocity.⁣

⁣Flash forward, it’s August of 2017 and I’m in the paint aisle at Lowe’s, and my phone rings in my pocket.  I usually don’t answer calls from unknown numbers, especially on weekends, but for some reason I choose to answer.  ⁣

⁣“Hello, Bill Marsh, this is Thomas Lauderdale and I’m with a band called Pink Martini,” says the voice on the phone.  

⁣Thoroughly shocked, not expecting this call while shopping for the right shade of blue for my bonus-room ceiling, I manage to reply, “I’m very aware of you and your band, how can I help you?”⁣

⁣“Do you have a passport, and can you come play a party with us in Bucharest, Romania in two weeks?”⁣

⁣My head spins, imagining what kind of party would fly this world-class band across the planet for one show.  I give an emphatic, “YES!” to both questions (quick aside: if you don’t have a valid passport, GET ONE!  You never know when your phone will ring at Lowe’s).⁣

⁣Over the next two weeks, I drew on my experience with Cherry Poppin’ Daddies (a well-known band for which I had to transcribe and memorize 40+ new tunes in one month!) and all of the other bands I’ve played with to learn the repertoire with velocity.  It turns out that first performance wasn’t just some party.  It was a celebration held by the city of Bucharest in the enormous plaza in front of the Parliament Palace, and we performed for close to 30,000 people.  Following the performance there was a projection-mapped display on the face of the Parliament Palace, which is one of the largest structures on the planet, and it bent my mind into a pretzel.  The entire experience was surreal and when I landed back in Portland it felt like a strange and beautiful dream.⁣⁣

Since that first show, I have performed with Pink Martini across Europe, the Middle East, Asia and North America.  We have performed for royalty, for symphony audiences, for club patrons, and for festival-goers.  Last year, we toured eastward for a month, circumnavigating the globe.  My experience with this group has given me so many gifts; it has been a truly life-changing experience.⁣

Here’s what you gotta know: the successes that I am detailing in this story are not the results of inherent talent, latent skill, networking or even necessarily the thousands of hours of practice.  ⁣

What allowed me to achieve unprecedened heights in my musical journey was a shift in my MINDSET. ⁣

This is a journey that all started simply with a book, and continues daily with more books, courses, seminars, workshops, personal coaching, and a deep commitment to living my life the way that I say I will live it.⁣

What I know now is, I owe all that I have in my life and my career to the practice of self-awareness.  ⁣

In this new paradigm:⁣⁣

✨I do not practice to get better, I practice to live into a musical future that I have created. 

✨I do not play a gig to get paid, I play the gig to call my vision into being.⁣

✨My band mates and employers are not simply people that are on the same gig as me, they are collaborators in bringing our individual intentions into being.  ⁣

The opportunities that I have seen were not given to me because I am better or I “have it”, they were created through intention, through BEING the person who gets those kinds of opportunities.⁣⁣

Through my journey I’ve discovered my new mission: to help musicians to reach the same heights in self-awareness and fulfillment in their musicianship. Through this work, I am leading musicians to find joy in their playing, create an unshakeable technical foundation, discover rich opportunities and relate to their collaborators in a whole new way.⁣

This is work I’m deeply passionate about.

I want you to create this kind of power in your life.  ⁣

Forging a career in music on your own isn’t easy. I’m thrilled to be taking my teaching to the next level and helping more people get to this level of joy and ease in their musical experience.⁣